I don’t really write on Tumblr ever but I was just reminded of a really weird dinner I had and I am on just the right amount of caffeine that I wanted to write about it before I forgot again. Like all my stories, it is long, goes nowhere and features several name drops.
Several years ago I met my friend Melissa who at the time was doing porn under the name Zoe Voss in Vegas at the AVN Awards. I was headed to her home of LA for a week and I had a brief crush on her and we went on a series of dates while I was in town. One of them was particularly odd.
To start with we were meeting up with an old boyfriend of her’s from high school which was kind of awkward by itself but it was made really entertaining by the fact that this kid had pretty much never been outside of Minnesota and it was his first day in LA. We immediately took him to the infamous celebrity hot spot Chateau Marmont which is probably exactly what people from Minnesota think LA is like.
We were headed to meet James Frey. Frey is the author famous for writing a best selling memoir Million Little Pieces which he of course completely made up. He was working on a TV show about porn stars and had wanted to talk to Melissa about the porn world and to talk to her about a roll on the show. I am not 100% sure that her ex knew she did porn but he quickly found out.
At the dinner were a number of well known contemporary artists including Richard Prince. I spent some time talking to him about my exgirlfriend’s artist father and Lena Dunham’s parents. At the time Lena was just my ex’s best friend, not a huge TV star. But it was after Prince left that things got extra awkward.
Melissa and Frey were busy talking about porn and I was bored with pretending I don’t despise contemporary art so instead had a forced conversation with Melissa’s friend who’s brain was being exploded every few minutes. Aside the porn conversations and the $25 beer he had just ordered our table was sandwiched in between Katy Perry and a very sad looking Jason Segal who was drinking alone. It was his first time seeing a celebrity and for me it was the first time I had ever had to talk to a girls ex-boyfriend while on a date.
At some point Melissa brought me into her porn conversation with James and he asked if I was a porn photographer. I told him I wasn’t really a pornographer but I shot girls naked. He wanted to see what I did so I pulled out my iPad and pulled up my naked girl portfolio. He then showed each photo to the table one by one and asked me if I had slept with them or not. This went on for about 20 minutes and I think he was disappointed that hadn’t slept with more of them.
The night ended with me realizing that my friend Mia was at dinner with Katy Perry and she was DJing at the bar downstairs so we all went down and watched her spin for a couple hours. I drove back to the apartment I was subletting only to realize that there was bomb scare on that block and I had to just sit in my rental car for an hour waiting for them to clear the scene. Good times.
End of pointless LA story. But at least you got a sexy photo of Melissa to look at right?